Style Analysis Is Emotional: The Psychology, Grief, and Power of Dressing Like Yourself

Interview
Written By Blair Petroni

with Co-Hosts, Blair Petroni & Erin Cox

⚠️ Listener Note: This is a long episode and we promise, it’s worth every minute. But, please know this episode touches on body image, identity, and emotional experiences that may feel intense or triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself as you listen. 

In this deeply candid conversation, hosts Blair Petroni and Erin Cox pull back the curtain on the emotional and psychological journey of style analysis. This is the part not everyone talks about, but almost everyone experiences.

Style analysis isn’t just about clothes. It’s about identity, grief, aspiration, and finally seeing yourself clearly. Sometimes for the first time. Blair and Erin recorded this episode to prepare listeners for the real experience: the discomfort, the resistance, the sadness, the jealousy, and ultimately, the freedom that comes from dressing in alignment with who you actually are.

In this episode, they explore:

  • Why style analysis can trigger big emotions (and why that’s normal)

  • The difference between body infrastructure and surface-level styling

  • How essence reveals more than your appearance, it reveals you

  • Why shame, fear, and confusion often show up before clarity

  • The role of cognitive dissonance when letting go of aspirational identities

  • Why style analysis is not judgment, it’s information

  • Practical grounding strategies for processing emotions during and after analysis

As Blair explains, style analysis is a love letter, not a verdict. It’s language that gives you words for why certain clothes love you back, and why others never did.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, resistant, or emotional when thinking about personal style, this episode is for you. Stay with us. The clarity on the other side is powerful.

  • Blair Petroni 0:03

    Hello. Good morning. Blair, morning. Erin, how are you today? I'm actually really excited. We are doing our very first podcast in our editor studio. It's beautiful in here, it's so beautiful, and they're so funny and they're so fun.

    Erin Cox 0:21

    We've had so much fun setting up this morning and just shooting the shit, hanging out,

    Blair Petroni 0:27

    truly shooting the shit. We were talking about poo pourri before we got started, and all of our like editors and their staff, were just like,

    Erin Cox 0:38

    Are we recording it? We should be recording. If we're not roll the tape, we

    Blair Petroni 0:41

    should really record this, if we're not recording this. And it totally introduced the members of the staff that hadn't met us yet to us absolutely. And I was like, I was joking that they were probably in their heads, like, I know who these bitches are, but they are really what's their podcast? What do they do? And when we told them there was a style podcast, they were probably like, why are they talking about poop?

    Erin Cox 1:05

    That's not what we're talking about today. For anyone who's ready to stop listening right now, it's not, it's not. But, I mean, come on, what was that book Everybody Poops. It's true. It's true. Everyone feels better.

    Blair Petroni 1:19

    There's a little the only line that I remember from that book is one hump camels poop one hump poops, two hump camels.

    Erin Cox 1:30

    All the moms in the audience know exactly what you're talking everyone else is

    Blair Petroni 1:35

    like at this point. If you've listened to any episodes of the podcast, and there are so many people listen the podcast. I've listened to every single episode, which blows my mind constantly. I'm just like how the audio was so terrible at the beginning. God bless you people. I just they know how crazy I am. Yes, they don't care.

    Erin Cox 1:59

    Well, they also know that children, raising children, bring some comical stories to your life. They do.

    Blair Petroni 2:04

    So that's the one book we actually don't have in my house. Now I'm gonna get 43 copies of it. Now that I've just said that out loud, that's funny, because the listeners do send us stuff a lot.

    Erin Cox 2:17

    Well, we'll be sure to we'll be sure to pass them around. We'll share the love. Yes, that's how I got the work bitch hat. Oh, this is true. Your people come through for you. They sell. Come through

    Blair Petroni 2:26

    for you. They do. One of the listeners crowdsourced a work that the Britney work bitch hat for me, which now lives proudly in your studio, proudly in the studio on top of the iris glasses. Love it. They're so beautiful, so fun. Anyway, how have you been?

    Erin Cox 2:40

    Oh, man. Well, we survived Christmas break. Kids have gone back to school, always a plus, so I think I'm in recovery mode. The resource officer saw me in the parking lot this morning and and I said, I'm really looking forward to getting back to like a sense of rhythm and some structure.

    Blair Petroni 2:59

    Hello, classics. I My husband calls my kids, so my kids go to this like it's like a private kindergarten and like daycare at the same time. And so of course, my my daughter goes to the private kindergarten and my son goes to the daycare. My husband calls it baby jail. So he cannot wait because it didn't close, like the whole break, except for, of course, like a couple of days, for, like, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Day. But he calls it baby jail. He's like, I love baby jail.

    Erin Cox 3:35

    Well, when you're trying to work from home, it's not necessarily conducive to raising children at the exact same moments of the

    Blair Petroni 3:44

    day, and he works from home. And then there, if there's any days that I have, like all virtual appointments, I will try to work from home. It gets crazy. Yeah, and you being the crazy, amazing woman that you are, you are always either in the car or at your house or at an event or out in the community or

    Erin Cox 4:05

    doing laundry. My gosh, I do a lot of that.

    Blair Petroni 4:08

    Okay, here's what you haven't told people you dead ass. Have two laundry rooms in your house? I do yes,

    Blair Petroni 4:17

    you guys, I got to tour Aaron's incredible basically, like Cape Cod inspired house yesterday. Yeah, summer heaven number one, like you walk inside. All the colors are summer inspired. Yes, they're so beautiful. I was like, okay, classic, I fucking see you. Classic.

    Erin Cox 4:34

    And we haven't done my husband's colors yet, but yeah, we have some guesses.

    Blair Petroni 4:38

    Yeah, that we're pretty sure he's a DC like you walking, look at her husband. You're like, okay, for sure. And then literally, like we were on the second floor, and I saw the washer and dryer, and then we walked downstairs and walked into Aaron's closet, and I saw another washer and dryer. I was like, this bitch has two laundry rooms.

    Erin Cox 5:00

    Rooms. Yeah, it's, it's, it's a game changer. We we built our house, so we had the opportunity to give input in and in our first house in O our laundry room was way down at the end of a hallway by the garage. So when we had our first baby, it was just a lot of walking back and forth and up and down and all around. And then when we were waiting for our house to be finished, we had closed on our old house, so we were living on a or in a three floor townhouse. No, so that we moved into when I was 37 weeks pregnant with my second my God, did you live on the first floor? No, the master bedroom was on the third floor.

    Blair Petroni 5:39

    That guest room on the first floor, no,

    Erin Cox 5:43

    after my second C section, oh, my God, where I left the hospital 33 hours post op, because it was in the middle of covid, I was going up and down three flights of state, what times every day, and the laundry room was also on the top level in that facility. So, yeah, we did. We had a lot of strong feelings about where laundry needed to be accessible in our current dwelling.

    Blair Petroni 6:06

    Do you use the laundry room downstairs next to your bedroom, like for you and your husband's clothing, and then the one upstairs is for

    Erin Cox 6:13

    the kids, it's pretty much, or the downstairs one is for us, and then for all the downstairs activities, so cool towels, things like that. And then, you know, so when we have guests and we're flipping beds the upstairs, laundry gets done in the upstairs laundry room, and living the dream just makes things a lot easier. Also, laundry is, like my domestic superpower. It really my, like system magic that I work in my house, so it makes me a whole lot more efficient. And we all know there's one thing that I am it is that classic Enneagram, one

    Erin Cox 6:43

    present and accounted for.

    Blair Petroni 6:46

    And I honestly have no idea how you aren't the president of the PTA yet, like we don't have one. How have you not been the one that created it?

    Erin Cox 6:54

    Honestly, truly, I mean, I am homeroom mom, and Blair takes a sip. Yeah. Okay, so what are we talking I see you, girl,

    Erin Cox 7:07

    oh, man, my calendar is currently full, so full.

    Blair Petroni 7:11

    So what we're going to talk about today is something I'm so excited about. When you and I were running through the episodes that we wanted to talk about. One of the things that I brought up, I said, was there are so many people that sign up for a style analysis and have no idea the pre work that needs to go into it. And you initially were like, oh, yeah, like, all the clothes you have to bring and stuff. And I was like, No girl, the mental and emotional work. Yeah, that goes into a style analysis before you get there absolutely. And you were like, Oh, that would be a really good episode, yeah. And we it was like, we were off. And I think that actually, when we were doing the planning of all the six episodes like that was, I think, the one that dominated the most of our conversation, absolutely, because it just, it has tentacles, like it just went into so many different avenues.

    Erin Cox 8:14

    It goes in so so many, so many. I mean, when you think about it's not this fun. I mean, it can be. It is fun, right? It is a fun thing. But the way you do style analysis, there is a depth to it, and there is a sense of getting to know yourself and maybe learning some things that you either weren't comfortable sharing or didn't, didn't even know about yourself. It's very telling, and so coming into it with the right mindset is probably the best way that you can maximize your experience and the results that you're going to get.

    Blair Petroni 8:55

    Yeah, I mean, they're fun and exciting because they're meant as a tool to help you really look like you, but if you haven't done the internal work before you get there, mentally and emotionally, you are truly setting yourself up for failure

    Erin Cox 9:13

    well, and figuring out who you are and figuring out how to dress who you are at the same time is A big mission. It's a big task. So when you're able to kind of sit back and take a deeper look at who you are before you start going into, how do I dress myself in a way that's authentic? Yeah, it's a little simpler, yeah, little little less complex, yeah, or a little less scary.

    Blair Petroni 9:40

    Sometimes, absolutely so absolutely. I mean, it can be emotionally intense being in a style analysis for a myriad of reasons that a ton of people have never thought of until they're in there and they're in it with me, they'll have issues like of body image that come up for themselves, issues of. Societal pressures that they never realize that they have issues of, like, anticipated outcomes that they were hoping for. And again, like they don't realize that they felt this way until they're there and they're in it, and it can be a ticking time bomb, and they didn't realize it, yeah, beforehand. And so, you know, for those reasons and so many more, if you don't come in with the right mindset and the expectation, it's going to set yourself up for an experience that I don't want you to have, yeah, because I want you to have the best experience that you possibly can in a style analysis. It's so, so important to me to have you come out with all of this knowledge, this additional knowledge about yourself, this discovery about yourself, because it's you learning more about you. Absolutely right. A lot of people think they're coming in for like, cute outfit advice, and they don't realize that what they're actually coming in for is, like, body infrastructure class. Yes, literally.

    Erin Cox 11:14

    Wait, can we just change the name of it to body infrastructure? That's a little it's a little wordy.

    Blair Petroni 11:19

    Yeah, it's body infrastructure. And the reason why I call it infrastructure is because it's repeatable. There's a reason we have infrastructure like, for example, whether it's infrastructure for buildings, whether it's infrastructure for Fortune 500 companies, it's because you go in and it's repeatable over and over and over. It's infrastructure when you know your body type and your essence. Dressing yourself is easy because you know your infrastructure. That's what style analysis is. This is your body infrastructure. But if you think you're just coming in for cute outfits, nope, because there's a lot of people that come in and they'll have like, an identity reawakening, yeah. And if you're not prepared for that, oh god yes. Oh god yeah. So the first thing that I want to do is I want to talk about what style analysis is not, and then I want to classify what it is. Sounds great. Okay, so let's run through the list of what it's not. Because, girl, the misconceptions out there of what style analysis is is like crazy. I've had people come in and say crazy shit to me, what did you initially think it was?

    Erin Cox 12:30

    Well, so my my first exposure to style analysis was in the training that I took. That was, as I have honestly shared here, I felt there were some limitations once I got into the application of it, yeah, and that was very much just looking at honestly how, how your body gains weight, or, like, Where, where, not necessarily where your trouble area is, but what is the shape of your body, and then How do you dress it to kind of minimize the pain point, if you will. And then I think it depends on other places and how some places measure. Some people don't. My training was, oh no, no, don't measure don't measure anyone, because that people don't want to be measured. And in other places, I've experienced measurements, and, you know, gotten pretty close to it, but I so I had done style analysis before I came to you, so I had an expectation of, hey, we're going to look at some things and figure out the proportions of my body and probably talk about how I wanted to be perceived in the world, yeah, and What that looks like when you start dressing. But because you and you can tell me if I'm skipping ahead here or not, but I think because you look at the essence component, and you consider who a person's soul is, that there is a greater depth to the way you do style analysis than anything I've ever experienced. Because my previous style analysis, I will say it was probably like between 90 to 95% of the way there in addressing my body type and and how I wanted to be perceived in the world. But I lacked some completing information and some completing pieces about how to make the information work together and then work for me,

    Blair Petroni 14:20

    but also, and please tell me if I'm like, putting words in your mouth, because when you and I have been shopping together, we've been shopping with our friends, I felt like I've heard you say they didn't actually tell me how to dress myself, like they didn't actually give me information. Of like, these are the types of dresses you should be looking for. This is the types of prints you should be looking for like they didn't actually give you that information.

    Erin Cox 14:43

    There was a there, there was some but it was relatively generic, as in, you're going to want to have some structure and some lack of structure. You know, because I am a flamboyant natural, so things that are unstructured are important to me. But because I have the classic, I can do some things that are more tailored and more structured to give me that balance. But as I tried to figure out how to apply that to myself, I was looking for looser pants, and I had tried on many, many, many of the like Chanel kind of lady jackets and the, you know, the tweet and nothing was feeling deeply authentic to who I was.

    Speaker 3 15:28

    By the way, we have our, yeah, I was gonna say, like, we got a strobe light. It's pretty fun back here. It's like, quite strange to me, and that's having a good time. I'm enjoying it.

    Erin Cox 15:45

    Gonna give it a minute. Give it some love. I don't know. It's pretty fun. It was pretty fun.

    Yeah, all right, sounds good.

    Blair Petroni 16:01

    And that's, that's normal. It's really unlike how I made sure to structure the Kibbe pages that are on my website. Because when you come in for your style analysis, one of the things that you receive with me is, okay, you know the I call them the guide space lines. Kind lines of your body where you find out, the shirts, the pants, the skirts, the accessories, the scale, the hair, the shoes, the brands that all love you back. And I mean, it goes into detail, not only what loves you back, but also what you should be avoiding. That's what like it goes well into detail, yes, and that is, for me, something that I vehemently wanted to do for my clients, is because I wanted it to be something that was like, so hardcore that they couldn't come back and be like, I don't know. I couldn't really see anything. I was like, No girl.

    Erin Cox 17:04

    Very specific. And if you know your body type and you haven't gone to explore those pages yet, I highly, highly recommend that you kind of bookmark that as you are starting your exploration into you, into who you are and how you dress your your lines.

    Blair Petroni 17:18

    And it's I just I wanted them to be a love letter to body types, yeah, just to be something that people could go to and be like, Oh my god. Thank god. A resource, right? Like, thank God. Now is it going to tell you everything, everything, everything, no, no, because that's impossible.

    Erin Cox 17:36

    Well, and it's impossible because you have your guidelines, that you have the lines, but then there is so much more complexity to that, and we're going to do a whole nother episode on some of this that we're very excited to know as well. I don't want to give too much of it away. Now, I know, but when, when you start getting into applying the other elements of what you're going to learn with Blair in a style analysis that is when you start to really refine and define the guidelines on your page. Yeah, how they're going to work for you and serve you best?

    Blair Petroni 18:10

    Yeah, totally. So circling, circling back, because you guys know that's exactly what we do. We do. We go down a little tangent, and then we'd be like talking about so here's the things that style analysis is not okay. It is not meant to erase your personality. No, okay to, if we're being completely honest, guys, it's actually here to put you on full ass display. Yes, like, it is meant to, like, dial you up who you are. Like, 100 notches, yes, 100% like, we're not erasing anything. No, I want you on full display. No, okay, it is not judgment based on your past choices. No, not at all in any way, shape or form.

    Erin Cox 18:51

    And in some essences, I would say not essences. In some senses, I would say it's almost a freedom from or release from previous choices,

    Blair Petroni 19:00

    absolutely, and we're gonna get into and you are totally nail on the head, because we're gonna talk about that a little bit and based on what style analysis is, yeah, for sure. And when I say there's no judgment based on your past choices, y'all, I mean, whether it's style or otherwise. Because there's some people that can get real in their feels and say, like, Blair's judging me as a person. Like, oh no, yeah, nope, nope. Because essence, when I say it's your soul, they're like, she's judging me as a person. No. In fact, when you come in the studio, one of the things that I tell you is, we don't say sorry here, yeah, yeah. You have to be who you are here, correct, because otherwise I can get your essence Correct.

    Erin Cox 19:39

    Absolutely, you have to be you, and you ask the questions that can feel really hard in the moment because they are so critical to the complete picture, but as someone who's walked through it and had the benefit of being the moral support person for somebody else who sat through. Their analysis. It's done in a way that is very caring and exploratory. I never felt judged for any of the questions that you asked me. I could, I could see where you were headed, like, what the end goal in the in going through certain lines of questioning, if you will. But I never felt like, Oh, my God, she's telling me I shouldn't do this, or shouldn't be this, or

    Blair Petroni 20:27

    anything like that. No, I want you to be everything that you are, because that is what makes you completely special. Yes, as a human being, makes you very special, and that's really important to me, yeah, because that's what makes your clothes special for you, so it makes something for you. That's why, when I see a piece of clothing for you, I'm like that, that one that's for you. Yeah, this as a style analysis. This is not a verdict on your worthiness as a human being like this. Like if, for example, if you are a natural, that does not mean that you are a hippie and that you are nasty and you are not worthy of love. No, no. Like that is dead. Someone has dead ass said that. She's like, I'm a hippie. That means I'm nasty. No one's gonna love me. And I was like, that's a lot of leaps that happened at one time. That's not what this is. Yeah, no, this is not a verdict on your worthiness.

    Erin Cox 21:23

    No, not at all, not at all. And I think that we have allowed society to dictate so much of what is worthy based on certain appearances or sets of appearances, that that is some of the deep work that has to be undone in you when you are ready to really take off with this.

    Blair Petroni 21:45

    Yep, absolutely, also very last thing a style analysis is not putting you into a social box. It is not trying to tell you who you need to hang out with. It is also not telling you where you need to hang out, right? So just because you are a dramatic with a natural essence does not mean you have to be a theater kid, correct, right? Just because you are a natural with a classic essence does not mean you have to be the PTA mom, correct. You do not have to be the stereotype. You do not have to do anything, right? You do not have to do anything however, you will find a reason why you love a lot of the things that you love. If you let down your garden, your ego, and you go, Oh, it turns into self love instead of self loath. Correct? Yeah, and you'll see that stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason, and instead of you pushing them off, there can be a moment of embrace.

    Erin Cox 22:58

    Yes, as you were saying that, I was thinking to myself, we joined a country club for a hot minute, and realized it wasn't, it wasn't for us. We had joined specifically for the pool, and it was very easy to let it go. But just as a as a true to life example of, you know, my, presumably, DC husband, and his, you know, FNC wife, yep. That seems like, I mean, people tell us all the time, like, are you going to join the country club? And we're like, No, not for us, nope.

    Blair Petroni 23:26

    So Nope, because you guys aren't classic enough in that mindset, correct? There's not there. And does that make people that spend their time at country clubs bad? No. Essence does not have anything to do with morality at all. And a lot of people try to start in their own minds placing morality on this, because you do that, and I say you as potentially people listening, or people that are coming in for style analysis does not mean that I do that

    Blair Petroni 24:08

    at all. And if you listen, I'm actually one of the least judgmental people about people that you will ever meet. And Aaron can talk to you about this. One of our other friends can talk to you about this. I love everyone. I want you to be exactly who you are, because I'm an actor. I love people you are. I'm a people person you

    Erin Cox 24:33

    are, but the more honest people are able to be with themselves and with you, the more people have been able to step into or begin walking through, or have healed from their own experiences with their own trauma or their own perceived traumas, the more that you are able to really dive into what is what is really you? In fact, I was talking to. You just this morning about a friend who I think would love style analysis would benefit greatly from it. And I said, I think it would be so interesting to sit there and listen to her talk about the words of how you want to be perceived with knowing that there didn't have to be a filter for anyone or anything. Authentic and free and just what, what might come of that, absolutely.

    Blair Petroni 25:31

    Let's talk about what style analysis is. Okay, okay, let's, let's pivot to that. Here's what style analysis actually is, you guys, it is a love letter to your body and your personality. And I truly mean that

    Erin Cox 25:47

    i Yes, and I think I have experienced that. I remember saying to you that I have spent my entire life trying to, like, hide my shoulders or make them fit into things or lessen them by wearing things with narrower seams or close lines, and to be able to let that go, not only do I am so much more comfortable all the time. Yeah, it's, it's really, I mean to approach it as what is that's my superpower. That's what makes my body special. And now I can step into the value that that brings to me, and really like just a sense of joy and excitement when it comes to getting dressed.

    Blair Petroni 26:29

    I love that. And one of the things that we hear all the time online, a lot of the comments that we get, is I love seeing Blair compliment people in the videos and how they genuinely light up because I really mean it, yeah, because every single body type has something that is so incredible, like whatever your superpower is, I want to be every body type. Yes, I want to be everybody. Because everybody has something that is so amazing about them. It's so cool. This is a love letter. It is literally revealing who you are. Everybody's a puzzle. That's why this is my favorite thing in the whole world to do. I love style analysis. I love being able to like hand you your love letter and go, This is why you are incredible. Yes, I love it. It is a language that helps you unlock your style code. I give you words. A lot of people come to me with the why. Some of them have previously worked with stylists who are not great communicators when it comes to being able to say, well, this is why this works on you. That's one of what I think is the things that I've been I've been blessed with is being able to look at my clients and say, Okay, well, this is why this article of clothing doesn't love you back. This is why you are too beautiful for it.

    Erin Cox 27:52

    I can comment to that firsthand, and that for me, that knowledge is as important and that understanding is as important as knowing what my style ID is like, having realizing that I can't do the narrow seams because it makes me look constricted and restricted, and then it makes the sleeves hit funny, and then I've got like bunches here, and I'm wiggling and I'm uncomfortable, but if I just let that go, I'm free to be who I am,

    Blair Petroni 28:22

    and it's so gorgeous. Your width is so incredible. It's what makes you a supermodel. It's why every it's like the reason why you get to be the most stunning woman on the face planet. Like, I'll hate you. Style analysis. It is a replicable blueprint for your body's style infrastructure. Okay, so one of the things that y'all know that I do for you is I will say the exact same thing over and over and over in different ways so that it can hit in different ways for different people, because some people just need to hear the exact same thing in a different way for it to, like, make sense to them. So like I said earlier, this could be your body's blueprint. Well, this is literally it's replica blueprint. It's your infrastructure. It's the thing that is something that is something that you are going to be able to do over and over and over again, because once you understand how that stuff works together, how your rules and your lines, and whatever you want to call it, how the lines work on your body, your piece of chicken, and then the vibe of your clothes, your essence, how that flows together. Y'all, you do that over and over and over again. Your Closet becomes granimals. Literally. You put your colors in there too. Everything works together. That's one of the things that when we were in Erin's closet yesterday, she was like, Well, what do I wear with this? I just kept picking out tops. I was and when we were using, like, the the ruffle run skirt, I was like, Well, with this, you could wear this top and this top and this top and this top, and these these shoes, and these shoes and these shoes. And we were literally using the skirt and just picking out different color tops because they all work. Because it's all in your season. Yes, it's all your essence, yes.

    Erin Cox 30:18

    And I bought the skirt because it's a it's a very like classic plaid, but it's a long flowy linen, almost Maxi length. Because, you know, nothing's quite Maxi length when you're six feet tall. But every color in the plaid is in my in my comb color season. So I could truly have five to seven different shirts that would all work with that and, you know, just, and then rotate everything else based on the vibe that you want. I we put on one shirt, and I said, I want to wear this with, like, cute sneakers and a hat. We put on another shirt. And I was like, this is total clam bake vibes. And it was just, it's just fun to when you get to a point where things in your closet are working together and you can start taking some of the decision fatigue, yep, and frustration out of for me, it was feeling like everything had to be in a specific outfit, yep. But when you can start to mix and match and play and you feel start to feel some confidence in that it's life changing.

    Blair Petroni 31:22

    And this is not guys, like, it's light years away. This is not like, it's super hard. It's really not this is why I tell you, it's going to take you about six to 12 months after you have your style analysis to get there, to start, like, understand the lines and the rules of like your body type and understanding how your essence plays with that, it's supposed to take that long you're rematrixing your brain to understand all this stuff. It doesn't mean that you messed up or that you're not smart enough, or guys, this is you're just learning new things. Yes, you're doing a great job,

    Erin Cox 32:06

    and you're gonna find yourself leaning back into certain things you have leaned into before, but now you're equipped with the tools to say, I can accept that for what it is and leave it right here, because I know that if I take it home, I'm not going to wear it because XYZ bought this before or that doesn't honor my lines. And then you can leave it behind for the person who's meant to wear it

    Blair Petroni 32:31

    exactly right? And we're going to talk about that in a second of like, there's look, there's going to be some things that you love that don't let you back, but being able to say why in your brain and like, know why, and go, it's fine. I can look at the menu and appreciate the menu and love the menu, but I don't have to order. Yes, is so powerful, absolutely right? Like I walk every every week, I walk through stories with clients, where I have the ability to love on and touch all of these different types of garments that I am well aware are not for my body type or essence. It doesn't stop me from looking at the menu and loving on the menu.

    Erin Cox 33:15

    No, not at all. And you'll even say, as you touch the clothes, this would be so great for this body type. I do so great for this body all the time. I mean, there's, there were some beautiful things that I tried on and I they looked like pajamas on me. They did essence was wrong. It was the clothing was stunning, incredible, but the essence was wrong and it looked like pajamas instead of something that I would dress up in.

    Blair Petroni 33:38

    Yeah. Like you needed to be ethereal in some way. To wear some of these things, you need to be a mean in another way, or you need to be more of soft in another way. Yeah, there was just some things that just weren't for you. And it's understanding that and not looking at it as a failure on your part, but just going, I'm just too beautiful for this and putting it away. Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

    Erin Cox 33:59

    Yeah. There's very there are very few little drops of Yin and me, if there are any at all, balance, boo, boo, yes, indeed.

    Blair Petroni 34:07

    The very last thing the style analysis is, is, this is a style tool for alignment. Let's talk balance. You classic alignment between your body and your soul. This is how you learn the alignment between those two things. Imagine understanding how you bring alignment between your body and your soul outward and show that to people. That's what style analysis is. Now I'm dead ass aware that that sounds so woo, woo. I get it.

    Erin Cox 34:41

    It totally does. And I'm sitting here and I'm like, but it's exactly spot on. And we, I mean, you guys, the listeners, know that we, we were in Palm Springs in earlier this fall, and while you were creeping, while I was creeping, while I was the scary lady in the back of the videos. Hey, it's me. I'm trying not to be seen. Apparently I need to give a master class and how not to get it. My God, the background of videos, anyway, all that to say, we the line for me up for that week, other than this is the last one in the world, was my classic is so classic, I had no idea how purple label you needed to go the

    Erin Cox 35:23

    classic needed to be expressed in me. And how, even when I try to lean too far into natural, yep, it starts to feel inauthentic. So there we go,

    Blair Petroni 35:40

    yep, yep. It was really fun how we were literally about to leave the Ralph Lauren store until we found the small but mighty purple label section, and that's where we found the few pieces that were for Aaron that are so stunning, yeah.

    Erin Cox 36:02

    And even in the pieces that we left behind, there was a lot of valuable information about how classic my classic was

    Erin Cox 36:13

    or is really present tense.

    Blair Petroni 36:16

    We learned so much in that so good. It was so good. Okay, let's talk about why style feels so personal to us as people like, like, the psychology behind it, because there's some people that I'm sure that are listening and are like, Jesus, this is such a feely episode. Like, what? Why do some people feel so deeply about style? Okay, cool. Great question. Let's talk about so. First and foremost, a lot of us tie our clothes to feelings of, number one, our identity. We think our identity is tied to our clothes. Like, for example, I want to look like me. If I don't look like me, I don't feel like me, correct? Okay. Number two, will tie clothes to feelings of belonging. If I don't dress like everyone else, no one's gonna like me.

    Erin Cox 37:07

    I'm just thinking of my freshman year of high school when Jenko jeans were like the thing and every single person wore them.

    Blair Petroni 37:15

    Girl, right value. We tie our clothings to feelings of value. If I don't look put together, I'm worthless, yeah? Right? Femininity or even masculinity, correct? Yeah, okay, right? Women need to look more feminine. Looking masculine is gross. Or for men, the other way around, you have to look masculine. Looking feminine is disgusting, right? That happens every single day to people. They are told you cannot have this middle ground. Okay, also, we tie our clothing to feelings of safety. This one is so big, you guys, if I dress more feminine, I'll attract unwanted attention from men, and I won't be safe. Yeah, that happens to a lot of my romantics? Yeah, a lot. I can see that. A lot of them,

    Blair Petroni 38:05

    I can see that so many light bulbs just went off in our audience's head. I saw it

    Erin Cox 38:10

    went off. Yeah, I have zero romantic in me at all. And I'm sitting there thinking about the lines of their body and the fabrics that honor them, and how sensual and and you even say, like, if you want to touch it, it's probably for a romantic Yeah, and that can feel uncomfortable when you don't have any sort of deep seated trauma that needs to be unpacked or released, but When you layer that in there too, absolutely, I can

    Blair Petroni 38:47

    not going to say all, but quite a quite a few of my romantic clients that have had their bodies idolized a lot of their lives because They do have the hourglass, they have been sex objects. They have been cat called. They have been unfortunately, you know, we're gonna have to put a trigger warning on this episode. Yeah, they have been molested. They have had just horrific things happen to them in the past, and safety can become a huge issue for them, yeah? And if you never thought about that, there's a lot of light bulbs that just went off for people in the audience, yeah, they're probably like, holy shit, Blair, never thought about that, yeah. Style feels so personal to a lot of people, also because of there's childhood messaging to adolescence to adulthood. So in my experience, again, this is my experience. Different generations have been told stories in their childhood that have shaped the foundations of how. How they see themselves. It's basically pillars of who we are. Okay, tell me some more about that. So, for example, they've carried these stories into adulthood, adolescence right up to adulthood, and they even pass it down to their kids. So something I was like talking about a little bit at dinner last night. Like, for example, as baby boomers, they were raised by the great generation, right? What they were told is you have to look thin or muscular. You have to hard, emphasis on this hard. You have to look pretty and put together, or you have to look handsome and put together, right? Do not look masculine if you're a woman. Do not look feminine if you were a man. And this is like deeply rooted as pillars, as foundations, in their mind. And the way that that's expressed, for example, is, I will see clients that are baby boomers, when I'm out shopping with them, they'll say, this doesn't make me look thin. If they're natural, they'll say, I don't want to look wide

    Erin Cox 41:16

    because it doesn't fit the social construct

    Blair Petroni 41:19

    in their mind. Yeah, it'll and I'll even, I've seen baby boomers come in with their Gen X or their millennial children, and they'll say things like, suck in your tummy. Or when they're in pants, they'll turn to the side and be like, Oh, you got a little pooch there. And they don't mean to be mean about it. They don't even think they know they hear themselves. But there's this, like, deep rooted foundation. Imagines like the foundation of a house. It's a pillar that they've built in their mind, that has been implanted from their parents, right? For example, when I'm shopping with them too, they'll even say things like, they'll pass on something beautiful, and they go, where would I even wear this? I'm like to the supermarket to H, E, B, because it's Tuesday. Who cares? Yeah, you're the reason you wear it. You're the occasion wear your nice shit. Yeah, that's actually something I told my daughter the other day. She is obsessed with the nice dress that we bought her for the photo shoot for our Christmas photos. She's worn it so many times to school. I don't care. I'm gonna let her because she's the occasion. Yes. Who gives a shit? Yeah, baby girl, wear it. Yeah, that's your clothes. I'm not making you. Save that for, save it for what, yeah, for what. You're the occasion. Wear your clothes. Wear the good shit. Yeah. And the baby boomers have this like they have this deep, rooted feeling of like there's this shame, yeah, that they are just not enough. They're never good enough. That's been my experience, yeah, okay, Gen Xers, they were raised by the boomers. And same thing a lot with the millennials raised by the boomers. Okay, you have to look thin or muscular, and they were raised by moms with eating disorders. The Boomers came in with eating disorders. Yeah, right. And I co void with this. As a mother that had an eating disorder, we have a friend who talks a lot about her mom have probably like having an eating disorder, yeah, when she was younger, a lot of us that were Millennials or Gen Xers, because they were baby boomers, and they were told you have no worth unless you're thin and you're pretty

    Erin Cox 43:48

    Yeah, and, I mean, I think some of that, even that, trickled down into into our generation.

    Blair Petroni 43:53

    We're gonna talk about that. We're gonna talk about that a minute. Yeah, we're gonna talk about that. That's up next, dude. Okay, you have to look thin. And we heard it from society. We heard it from our moms with eating disorders, right? You have to look pretty and put together and handsome. Don't look masculine. But for the Xers, that part was more cultural, right? That wasn't necessarily from their parents. That was really more cultural, of, like, if you were in the African American community, or if you were in like, the Hispanic community, for them, it was like, you have to be more feminine. You have to be more masculine that. And again, this is my experience working with these clients of like, different ethnicities, yeah, when it comes to millennials, okay, we were told one thing really, really specifically that's been hard and different for us, which was, of course, we had the you got to look thin. And that's from, of course, society telling us this and moms telling us this with eating disorders. But also, we were told, follow your dreams, and you got to look. Good while you do it. But we had no help on how to do that. Yeah, at least the baby boomers had, like, their parents that looked nice, right? We had the great generation that looked nice. They had tailoring. They understand how to do it, yeah? So they were taken care of a little bit the Xers, they're wishy washy on that some of them had help. Some of them didn't. Millennials, we were toast. None of us, like, very, very, very, few of us, yeah, had the help of like, yeah, here you go. This is how you dress to yourself. This is how you do it. Like I just felt like the baby boomer parents did not do that for us. Yeah. Again, this is my feeling. A lot of you guys could feel differently if you do

    Erin Cox 45:49

    well, and simultaneously you have the rise of the Internet, and you you have the rise of fast fashion, and you have the rise of all of these different movements that impacted us in buying more and buying less expensive, and having endless opportunities to see what other people were doing. And then as social media came on board, seeing what people show you that they seem to be doing, whether or not they're actually what level of truth there is behind that. Yeah. And so the feedback is endless, 100% about everything that you should or shouldn't be, or how you should look, and even now. I mean, with social media, yeah, with with stylists and trendsetters and all the Amazon influencers of this is, you know, yeah, yeah.

    Blair Petroni 46:44

    Another well, and just to, like, piggyback on that, like, style can feel so personal because of, do you remember the like, body image and the cultural expectations when we were younger, and I was just like, writing all this stuff down as I was thinking about it on the plane yesterday, America's next stop. Model, okay, trim spa with Anna Nicole metabol Life Atkins, yeah, that fucking TV show The swan, where they literally took people and made them not even look like themselves anymore, like head to toe, makeovers. You didn't even look like you anymore. Yeah, head to toe,

    Erin Cox 47:26

    yeah, okay. I remember listening to to a training for people in youth ministry, yeah. And there was a kind of case study on the female celebrity singer, and they they put pictures of Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and Jessica simpton and Manny Moore, and they basically talked to youth leaders in churches about how they're the girls that they were going to be interacting with. Were being groomed and primed to feel that they had to look just like those girls. Fascinating.

    Blair Petroni 48:03

    It is fascinating. I mean, it's not it's not wrong. There's no easy, there's no good way for me to pivot back to this. Yeah, sorry, girl. This is just a story from the time, and I have no idea if you have, like, a story of like yours that's close to this, but this is from from my mom when I was, like, in middle school. Yeah, y'all Janet used to send me to middle school with, like, Slim Fast a cheese bar and apple sauce for lunch in my lunch box, because she refused to have a fat kid, refused, like, didn't, didn't want that in any way. Because to her, that was it was more appalling to have a fat kid than it was to have anyone's opinion that you were starving your child. Yeah? And that, I mean, that's a sign of the times. Yeah, right. Like, I mean, imagine, I couldn't even imagine doing that to Genevieve. No. Like, could you imagine I could be dead ass. I bet the school would call me and probably call CPS first. Possibly. Do you know what I mean, possibly. But, like, no kidding, back in 2000 they were like, Oh no, don't worry about it. Yeah. No, yeah, that, I mean, America's Next Top Model, 100% right? Crazy. That's insane. Yeah, that's less than a 500 calorie lunch, yeah. I mean, that's my that maybe was 400 calories, right?

    Erin Cox 49:33

    And then you're thinking about, well, you know, the nursing background in me, thinks about the calorie burn of all of the learning that you're doing, and just like the glucose metabolism, symbolism that comes with with learning and how you have to fuel your brain, and how your brain can't learn and function when it's deprived of nutrition.

    Speaker 3 49:51

    So, yeah, yeah, like half of me would also be

    Erin Cox 49:55

    smart and be successful and get good grades.

    Blair Petroni 49:57

    Yeah, pay attention while you live. Really have no energy to work. Yeah, part of me literally wonders how any of us survived, like having any kind of mother or aunt or whatever that was telling us that, like we weren't ugly, how we became, like successful women or men or adults, because like that, that can be enough to just completely shut you down as a person, yeah, like, that's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. So, quote, unquote, truth about our bodies, so once you have, like, a style analysis, okay, hearing the truth about your body, it can trigger grief or defensiveness in you happens way more often than you think. Okay, this is why style another part of why style is like so such a big deal for people. And here's what I mean by that. Someone finds out they're a romantic, they think that they have to dress more revealing. Oh, I'm a romantic. I have to dress more revealing. I'm not going to be safe for men, yeah? Or I'm not gonna, you know, I'm gonna look more slutty, yeah? Soft gamine. Soft gamine. I have to dress more feminine, or, I'm a flamboyant I mean, I have to dress more masculine. I'm a dramatic, I have to dress scary. I'm a natural. I have to be a hippie. Yeah, like, these are people get real sad or real defensive about that because they come in with preconceived notions absolutely about what a body type or essence is, yes, and they're not. They come in with bias instead of curiosity.

    That's a very good way to put that. That's a very good way to put that.

    Blair Petroni 51:53

    They also are attaching morality to appearance, and this is what I mean by that. People often will come in and say, well, dramatics are bad because they're too much. In essence, dramatics are too much. Good means good means are also bad because they're too much, they're too out there, they're too flamboyant, they're too boisterous, they're too creative, they're too loud. Naturals, naturals are bad because they're hippies, right? Classics, well, they're good because they're calm, or they're bad because they're boring, okay? Romantics, oh, well, they're good because they're perfection, or they're good because they're beautiful, or they're bad because they're slutty, yeah? Right? On June news, oh, they're good because they're pure, yeah, because they're princesses, they're bad because they're dumb, they're bad because they're ditzy, yeah, right, ethereals, oh, they're good because they're angels. They're good because it makes me special. Yeah? Right. A lot of women, we already talked about this in an episode. There's a lot of women out there that are like, I'm ethereal. I'm like, You're just a white woman, and that makes so many people angry. I don't care if you're mad, yeah, I don't care. Yeah, I stand by that statement. Just because you're pretty does not make you ethereal? Yeah, nope, yeah. There has to be something real special about you that makes you ethereal, like real special. And a lot of people are like, Blair, can you qualify that? No, that's why you're ethereal. There is something really otherworldly about you. You look like you are from another time, another place, another planet.

    Erin Cox 53:44

    And the the handful of people with true, ethereal essence that you have shared about not all of them are angelic, nope, nope.

    Blair Petroni 53:57

    One is a siren. She looks like she you could. She could lure you to your death. Yeah, right, yeah. One is puck from A Midsummer Night's Dream. Yeah, she lives in Australia, and literally, she she's so fucking cool. She printed out or cut out, I can't remember what she said. This like photo of a forest, like a like a conifer, like a forest that looks like an old world forest from, like, sword in the stone or something. And basically said that she looks at it and she's like, what I'm wearing? Would it have common been forged and made in that forest? If the answer is no, it doesn't go on my body. Yeah. Yeah, that is correct girl, yeah, because it doesn't look right unless it looks like it came from that forest on her. And it's she's puck

    Erin Cox 54:48

    powerful to to know that and to have that checkpoint as you're going through your style decisions, yep, and the things that you're buying,

    Blair Petroni 54:58

    yep, yep. I have my. Lebrije, right from Coco. She's super, like, fun and crazy colors, and she's sparkly and, like, she has to wear everything that's like, ostentatious and theatrical. Yeah, right. I've got my vampire. I've got my Diana, my goddess of the hunt. Yeah, she's got just like the wild eyes and the big hair. And now I have my star. I have my celestial, Yeah, amazing. So cool. Oh my god, yeah. Like, they're just, they're all different. Yeah, it's just different. It's different. I've never had an ethereal that's the exact same. Yeah, you're not supposed to just because you're pretty doesn't make you ethereal. Sorry, not sorry. Don't apologize. Go be a romantic. There are clients because of style. They'll arrive subconsciously wanting to be something, because it's that bias. They really want to be something. They want to be validated as being something. So what I mean by that is, for example, they really want to come in being validated as smaller.

    Erin Cox 56:13

    Yeah, I'm thinking the exact opposite in my head is how many people come in with a just, deathly fear that they are going to be, yep, something that they they don't want to be, yeah, for, for really, like, very similar reasons,

    Blair Petroni 56:29

    yeah, yeah. They arrive wanting to be validated as, for example, smaller. Oh, gamees are tiny and petite. I want to be game right? I'm not a natural, so I'm not wide. Yeah, right. That's a terrible thing to be putting on there. They like you, don't you? Naturals are supermodels number one. Are you kidding me? That width is stunning, so how dare you? They want to be validated as like, softer or more delicate, right? They want that curve. They want someone to tell them, like, Yeah, girl, you got that curve right? Or they want to have Yin essence. They want to be an ingenue or a romantic or the ethereal.

    Erin Cox 57:11

    I keep trying and it's just not happening.

    Blair Petroni 57:15

    Shut up. You get jumpsuits. Stop it. Nobody feels bad for you.

    Erin Cox 57:19

    Aaron, I'm not. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, but I there is a piece of my soul that desperately wants to have romantic essence somewhere inside of me, and every time I'm reminded that it's not there, I know and it's okay,

    Erin Cox 57:33

    but I just I co voided deeply in that no one feels bad for you. I'm serious. I'm not asking you to feel bad for me. In my job, I don't feel bad for you, supermodel. I'm trying to validate the people in the audience. Okay, moving on.

    Speaker 3 57:47

    Cry me a bucket of tears walking down the runway. I don't feel bad for you,

    Blair Petroni 57:54

    but like you, for example. And this is, this is truly where I'm coming back to reality. I was thinking about you when I wrote this part of it, because I was like, yeah, there's the FNS that are coming. They're like, Please God, tell me I have a curve. Please just tell me I'm soft. Dramatic, soft, natural, soft, classic, soft.

    Erin Cox 58:11

    I want to emphasize that's not there. Tr, romantic,

    Blair Petroni 58:16

    please tell me I have a fucking curve. Yeah, that's you guys, right? There are people that would love to be told that they are more dramatic or more ethereal, because to them, that makes them more interesting or more special, right? There are people that want to be told they're more normal. This is another reason there's people that love to be told they're classic, yep, is because they're like, I'm classic, so I'm for example, less boring. The complete opposite. I'm not a classic, so I'm not boring. Yeah, at the end of the day, you guys, style analysis reflects reality. Yeah, this is not a fantasy. I am not here for you to pay me to tell you things that you want to hear. This doesn't change you. If that is what you want, you're not their person. I can dead ass. Tell you the person that you should go to for that. If you want somebody to like tell you like that. Hey, this is what I want to be. I got that person for you. Yeah, email us. Style analysis doesn't change y'all. What it really does is it reveals who you are, and sometimes we are dead. Ass not prepared for what that reflection says. Things can go sideways in a session. So let's talk about the disconnect between that. So here's what some clients think will happen. They'll think that it's a fun dress up experience. They're like, Oh, this is going to be so fun. I'm going to dress up in outfits, and Blair's going to tell me what to change about them, and this is going to be super easy. No. Nope, you have to come prepared with a curiosity about yourself and excited about that.

    Erin Cox 1:00:07

    And sometimes you got to bring your thinking cap and your running shoes for real, and some snacks along the way, because it is there are things that will be mind blowing that are going to take a hot minute for you to wrap your head around.

    Blair Petroni 1:00:22

    You got to be open minded. Gotta be open minded. I'm not telling you that you have to love at all. I'm just telling you you got to be open to the experience.

    Erin Cox 1:00:32

    Yeah. And I think those things that you don't love are incredible information points. If you allow them to be

    Blair Petroni 1:00:39

    dead ass, it can change your life if you find out that you don't have a curve on the bottom you thought you did, but you do not, and you need a drop waist dressed, and you've never put one on in your entire life.

    Erin Cox 1:00:51

    I release myself from the need to wear a belt dead ass, and

    Blair Petroni 1:00:55

    then you're like, Oh my God, no wonder I love those pants in seventh grade. Life totally happens. People think peeper, peeper. People think that they are coming in for quick answers, quick ones. This is a big one. You guys, if you think you are coming in for quick answers, they're like, I will immediately leave, and I will know everything about myself, and I will wake up tomorrow, pulling everything into practice.

    Erin Cox 1:01:30

    Yeah, no. Good luck with that. You'd be real tired.

    Blair Petroni 1:01:35

    Nope, that is not how this works, not even a little bit, not even 1/100 of a

    Erin Cox 1:01:39

    bit, I would say, even if you come in with a pretty good idea of what you are, and it turns out to be that you are correct, it's still gonna like I walked in knowing that I had to be between two maybe three, but probably realistically to things, and so it was confirmatory to that, but the learning that went along with that confirmation was significant.

    Blair Petroni 1:02:10

    You're going to walk out with an excessive amount of information. You have to let that settle. This is supposed to be a blast, yeah, but you gotta just be curious. Yeah, okay. A lot of people think they're gonna come in with like this ability to have, like this affirmation about what they think their current style is, right. They're like, I'm gonna go in and Blair's just gonna tell me that I'm doing everything right. Nothing else needed. Save your money. I think I'm a natural, so I'm dressing like a natural. They're a romantic. Yeah, that's just happened, yeah? Right, that like, blew her mind. Blew her mind. And I was like, here's what I want you to do. And I talked to her about her collarbone, and she was like, Oh my God, right. Or, for example, one of my favorites, my Pinterest board with pins of my favorite clothes will fit everything the style analysis says for my body type and essence, no.

    Erin Cox 1:03:17

    But what you will learn to do is appreciate that a lot of those pins are for somebody else, and that you can figure out what you like about it. That is actually going to work. I call

    Blair Petroni 1:03:30

    it try bond. Yeah. I call it tri bond, because once you know your body type and your essence, and you understand the super powers of them, oh my gosh, you're able to look at those boards with such fresh eyes. You're like, ah, no wonder I love all of that stuff. It's because this photo is based off of the rules, because I love that shirt. But this photo is based off of my essence, because I have a gamine essence, or whatever. Like, you just look at this completely differently. I'm not telling you to get rid of the Pinterest boards, you guys. I'm just telling you like, some of it will be for you. Some of it will not heads up. Last, but not least, you'll have people that are like, she'll be able to find ethereal in there somewhere. Nope. Here's what's actually happening when you're in the style analysis. There are a lot of people that have what I call the identity reawakening. Oh, man. These are amazing. When this happens. Like, this is when the water works happen. This is when all the light bulbs go off. This is when, like, this is my jam. This is why I got into this. This is the therapy part of style analysis. This is, for me, why I'm different, yeah, than every single other. Anyone that does a style analysis, because. And you are reawakening who you are. For example, if you are gamine body type or essence, they're the creatives. A lot of people are like, Oh, they're the artists. You don't have to paint, yeah, or to be a musician or something like that. These are literally the people that once they remember their creative sides that they've been pushing down. And I tell them like, Hey, it's okay to be this. And in fact, in order for you to get your style right or for you to heal as a person. I need you to bring that back. Yeah, and I need you to start working on this more than you ever have. Yeah, it completely changes who you are, because they need to reconnect to that. Yes, I'll give you a really good example. One of my clients found out she was gamine, and I hadn't told her her body type yet. And I said, What kind of art do you do? And she looked at me like I was crazy. And I said, I know you're creative. How are you creative? And it was home decorating, and I said, What was it when you were little? And she, like, stopped, and she thought, and she started crying, and she goes, I haven't thought about this in so long, when my mom and I would take trips across the country, I would sit in the back of our van, and we had this huge, like foam board that she created for me, and I had all of these little like pieces that essentially I Created weddings, like I actually was the event planner, and so I would create the ceremony space and the reception space and all, and she would do that for hours as they traveled. And she created all these different weddings, and she would like make with crafts, like all of the decorations that were, like, doll sized when she was little bitty, she would do that, and she, like, hadn't remembered that. And no wonder she was so creative. As an adult like you already have that in when you start to harken back. And that's just an example of one gamine. Yeah, right. There's for gamins, you guys. That's for them. They have to be creating because if they don't, I call it losing their muchness. There's another example of a gamine that like, she's one of my lawyers, and her entire house was so beautifully decorated, but she was like, I feel horrific in my clothes, and I don't know why. It's because you are art, and you're not allowing yourself to be the artwork that you literally curate in your own household. You need to be curating yourself too. Yeah, and that like never occurred to her, and now that she started curating herself, it's like she's a whole different person. When you do that, it reconnects you to who you are, whether you're classic, you're dramatic, you're come mean, you're ethereal, you're romantic, you're ingenue, you're you're coming back into who you are. It's like coming home. It's an old pair of shoes that fits perfectly. Yeah, the muchness isn't too much, no, not when it's exactly who you are

    Blair Petroni 1:08:48

    and when you are who you are. People can feel that absolutely. They can also feel when you're faking it, correct. You're only too much when you're faking it, and you're also only too much for the people that aren't prepared.

    Erin Cox 1:09:06

    But that's not your problem, correct? Sorry. Problem. You have to worry about that.

    Blair Petroni 1:09:15

    Sorry, problem. Yeah, what else is happening is your ego defense activation, so people freaking out. So some people can freak out and go, Well, you just told me that I'm ugly, and then my clothes are ugly. No, no. Number one, you're not ugly. Number two, if I said your clothes were ugly, I didn't call them ugly. If I, if you, you might have said they were ugly, and I probably agreed with you. If that's different, that's different also. Aaron, what do I say to people you're too beautiful for that? That's correct. You are too beautiful for x, y, z. Too beautiful for that shirt, you're too beautiful for that those pants, you're too beautiful for that dress. You're too that's what I do. I've never looked at somebody and been like, you look terrible. Those pants, those are awful.

    Blair Petroni 1:10:12

    No, like you're too beautiful for those I'm not telling you you have to get rid of them. I'm just telling you, like, you too pretty. Yeah, you're too pretty. You deserve better.

    Erin Cox 1:10:27

    And then you also say, if that's a dopamine piece for you, let it be a dopamine piece,

    Blair Petroni 1:10:33

    right, dead ass or, for example, there's also the people that are like, I don't want to be that body type or essence because I have preconceived notions about it. And they don't. They don't know that they have preconceived notions, but they don't want to be that.

    Erin Cox 1:10:43

    I didn't want to be boring. Yeah, that's that. And I don't feel like I'm boring, but I definitely have moments when I'm looking at very classic pieces where I'm like, okay, but that feels a little boring, you know? But, yeah, absolutely. Yep.

    Blair Petroni 1:11:01

    Dramatics are afraid that, you know, they'll be too much, that you know they can't be soft, because they have to be all angles, right? Classics are like, I'll be boring, right? We already went through all that stuff earlier. But like, yeah, yeah. They also have this, like, loss of illusion, or what we call, like, the aspirational identity that's happening because there's a restructuring. Like, for example, they're like, I wanted to be x, but I found out that I was white, like I wanted to be a romantic, but I found out that I am a natural right. And now their world is collapsing, yeah, collapsing. Like, I have clients that wanted to be classics or naturals, and they find out they're gamines, and they are losing their ever loving mind, yeah, losing it, losing it, freaking out, like, Oh my God, just because you're come mean doesn't mean you have to dress insane

    Erin Cox 1:12:05

    well, and it also doesn't, it doesn't change your identity. Correct? You're still you, yeah, you just now have the guidelines to look at your body and to dress it in a way that honors it, that allows the you to shine a little bit brighter and a little bit bolder, totally. And that's electric, like that's magnet, like it's magnifying

    Blair Petroni 1:12:33

    Exactly, exactly, yeah, examples. Okay, let's talk about gamees. The people that start freaking out about camines are like, but I don't want to dress insane. I'm like. Number one, these are the people that make people believe in fashion. Yeah, are you joking? I would die to be a comedian, right? Number two, let's talk about what makes them special. Staccato, yeah, we just put you in different colors on top and bottom. Yes, I'm not telling you that you have to dress in large prints and crazy colors. Yeah. What if it's just the fact that we make sure that we honor your body by always putting you in staccato, right?

    Erin Cox 1:13:12

    I mean, I think I'm hearing the two lines of like, it's a box, you're a box. Wear a box and fitted feminine and small. Yeah, right? Everybody breathe just because it's fitted, feminine and small doesn't mean it has to be like, you know, doesn't have to be like small little Gremlins like dancing on your shirt. Like it can be a fitted, feminine and small and be something that's absolutely stunning.

    Blair Petroni 1:13:34

    If someone can tell me where to find a Gremlins dancing shirt, please DM the inbox. Size medium, probably 1x for me. Thanks. Yeah, find the Gremlin shirt.

    Erin Cox 1:13:47

    Everybody, if not, somebody, make it please. Yeah, please come in,

    Blair Petroni 1:13:52

    get on that. Yeah, 100% You're so right. That's exactly what it is.

    Erin Cox 1:13:57

    Sorry, I'm like now picturing little

    Blair Petroni 1:14:01

    like Furbys. Are gremlins. You are not wrong. You are not wrong.

    Erin Cox 1:14:05

    My daughter got this little gift when she was one of my colleagues gave me a baby gift for her. And I don't even remember what type of like stuffed animal it was, but from then, that moment on, it was known as hedgehog, monkey like hedgehog looking fur on the backside, but it had like the craziest face, and I hate the like, big eyed they're so stupid, they're so creepy, they're so scary. I hid it in a closet for a really long time, and then she found it, and she thought it was the coolest thing ever. Oh no, so she carried around hedgehog monkey for a very long time. I don't know what happened to it.

    Blair Petroni 1:14:45

    I too have a Furby story. When I was like 12, my cousin and I broke my like eight year old cousin's Furby, and he decided that he was gonna put it in their like, air return or something. It that was like, where that hot water heater was, and so he put it in there, and it

    ‍ ‍

    was like, it

    Blair Petroni 1:15:10

    literally reverberated around the entire house. So all the adults are like, What the hell is that? And all you could hear for three hours as the batteries.

    Blair Petroni 1:15:29

    I guarantee you, he does not remember that, but that lives, that memory lives, rent free in my head, we digress. Anyway. I love that we both have Gremlin monkey stories, obsessed, obsessed. Anyway, back to the outline.

    Blair Petroni 1:15:47

    Here's the big truth about all these things you guys, if somebody hasn't get and if they have big feelings, okay, if you have big feelings and you have not potentially grieved this body type or this image that you wish you had you are dead. Ass gonna feel attacked by the body that you actually have in once I reveal it to you, and then you're gonna blame me. It hap, it happens, yeah, for being the one to reveal it to you, you gonna be real big mad, yeah, big mad at Blair, yeah, big mad. What's that? Don't shoot the messenger,

    Blair Petroni 1:16:28

    yeah, but I get shot, yeah? By those people, yeah, they get, they get big mad, yeah. And those are the ones that leave like the the angry Google review, the angry Google review, they give big mad, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because they they have the feels about something we're

    Erin Cox 1:16:45

    talking about today. But, I mean, there's your roadmap for self worth, right? Your self work, not self worth, but self work.

    Blair Petroni 1:16:50

    It's hard, yeah, it's okay to have big feels, yes, but you gotta be ready. Yes, I'm there with you. Yeah, I will hold you. I will hug you. I will. I'm ready. I'm ready for the feels. Yeah, but you, you have to do your part too. Yes. Okay, here's some negative emotional reactions that clients have experienced, that I've I've received. I've been on the receiving end, okay, shame and confusion. So, so I've I've been wrong my whole life. They're telling me I've been wrong. Okay? Fear, will people see me differently now, yeah, especially with the good means, or the dramatics, the theatrical side of the dramatics, right? Because you have this opportunity to live your life loudly and your style, and you should be, you're gonna look more like you if you do. And so those people, if they've been living real quietly, once they start doing that, they start looking more like themselves, you will garner more attention. It will be positive attention. But if they haven't been doing that, there's a lot of fear that comes in with that. That's number one grief. Grief in comes in ways that people will think things like the version of me that I imagined, yeah, may have never existed, yeah, Oh, damn, or the version of me that I wanted.

    Erin Cox 1:18:24

    Those are no that they are, they're, they're very big feelings. They're very big. I mean, they're just, they're, they're light bulbs, but in a different not like the AHA, light bulb, but the light bulb of there's something deeply, there's some deep level of discord inside of me. And again, here's your roadmap for the work.

    Blair Petroni 1:18:47

    Totally, totally. They'll also feel things of like jealousy. Why does that style look good on somebody else? Why them? How come them? Why them? Because they're not you, babe. Why them? Yeah. Why does that style look good on them, but not me.

    Erin Cox 1:19:02

    Yeah, and, and those are, there are valuable questions in that, in your in terms of exploration, of like, honestly, why does something look great on a gabine and doesn't look great on a natural totally, but being angry, being angry, or, I don't know, we all have these. We all wish we were gamins for a minute, right? We all wish that. I wish that I had romantic essence, but I think being able to identify you want to bedazzle your T shirt. Well, in, like, in my in my version of me, right? Like, Well, I tell people all the time, like, there's times where I just want to, like, shop for the life that I wish I had. Like, yeah, everything is glamorous, giant sheepskin jacket, dead ass

    Speaker 3 1:19:46

    with a dog with shoes, yes, yes, the dog with shoes, but dog has more money than I do, yeah, so I

    Erin Cox 1:19:52

    think it's, I think, yeah, being intrigued by other essences can help you explore your own more deeply. Jealousy is jealousy is not a good look, nor is it healthy for you.

    Blair Petroni 1:20:04

    It's not healthy for you. You deserve better for yourself. You internally deserve better, right? You? It's not that it's a good look. I don't care about the look. You internally deserve better for yourself. Yes, right? People also feel sadness, familiar to a myriad of reasons. They'll feel sadness because of dieting, because they didn't need to. Yeah, because I talked to you about the fact that, like, your Kibby is your Kibby. Yeah, right. You could gain or lose 100 pounds. It's not going to change the guide the lines of why things look good on you

    Erin Cox 1:20:39

    well, and you've talked about you can't spot train, no, you can't spot train your body. You can't spot reduce unless you're having surgical assistance to some degree,

    Speaker 3 1:20:48

    dead ass. And any trainers gonna tell you that absolutely, absolutely.

    Erin Cox 1:20:52

    I mean, our sweet friend Amber is a great example of that. And even just things about that, she got a booty that don't quit, you guys, yeah, she works that booty in the gym, not on a pole. They get in the gym with weights. Let me be let me clarify. Hold on, yep. Okay, here we go. Back it up. I'm straight in my back it up. Like that booty.

    Erin Cox 1:21:17

    Speaking of which, I got in the car the other day and Baby Got Back, was on the radio, and my kids were like, What is this song? I was like, It's a song the bunnies say, like fire, it's fire is what it is. And then we went through a whole, like, generational musical education, which was fantastic. But anyway, I love where this conversation just went.

    Erin Cox 1:21:34

    Levity in the gym, but just things about learning for me, in my in my like, workout, education, learning, like the length of your femur and how that affects your ability to move and and how you work in certain exercises.

    Blair Petroni 1:21:48

    Like, what I was telling you about, I was like, There's because of my I dead ass cannot do a squat. Like, literally, it is physically impossible, yeah, I literally cannot. Yeah, yeah. So off dramatics, I promise you guys, if you're like, but why is it so fucking hard for me to do a squat? It's because our bodies were literally not designed for it, not a joke, I promise you, literally, physically not made for it. Anyway. Yeah, so anyway, dieting, yes, guys can be really, really upset because you're like shit. I didn't have to hate my body to turn it into something because it wouldn't have made a difference. The rules are still going to be the same. The Maxis are still going to love you, or the seven eights pants are still going to love you, or whatever, right? Yeah, they'll have sadness over squeezing into silhouettes that never loved them back or never will right, sadness over forcing an essence or the vibe of their clothes, yeah right, that was never it. Yeah right, forcing that romantic when like you were classic and you need to look expensive not look like a fire ass mafia wife? Yeah?

    Erin Cox 1:23:04

    Right, yeah, no, absolutely. Every time I put something on with a ruffle, I'm like, Please take it off.

    Blair Petroni 1:23:11

    Please get it off. Well, that's ingenue, yes, yeah, you do not need to look like a princess. Yeah? No, Princess for you, my love, yeah,

    Erin Cox 1:23:18

    big certain floral Princess died. Yeah, yeah. The response is visceral. You're like, yeah.

    Blair Petroni 1:23:25

    And then last but not least, anger. This anger is a big one. Anger. People look at me, well, why? Why can't I wear what I want? Why can't I wear what I like? You? Can you? Can you dead ass can I'm I'm just telling you. Number one, I'm the messenger. Number two, you paid for this. You you paid to learn things. Number three, wear dead ass whatever you want to. I'm just here to give you the information. Yeah, I'm not telling you what you can and can't do. This is not me telling you a good person or bad person. I don't care. Yeah, you do you boo, boo.

    Erin Cox 1:24:04

    Yeah. Well, and, and you do ask people, is that a dopamine piece for you all the time? And that's a different that's that's a different question.

    Blair Petroni 1:24:13

    If you love something and you were obsessed with it, I will be upset at you if you do not buy it. I don't care if it's your body type or your essence, yeah. And for me, the indication of a dopamine piece is, I'll look at you and I'm like, Would you be buried or cremated in it? Because if you would be buried or cremated in something, I'm like, you dead ass. But yes, in that case, every single day, and be buried or cremated in it, you better buy that. Yeah, it's very important. And here's, here's why you guys like these reactions. A lot of people think they indicate failure, because we, a lot of us in society, have been taught and especially in corporate America, like EQ, EQ, EQ. A lot of people think that EQ is like shutting. Down your emotions. Negative ghost writer, what EQ is is it's actually having your emotions out everywhere, on full display, and then being able to select the one that you would like to show at any given time. You have such a mastery over your emotions that you can utilize whichever one that you want at any given time. Yeah, that is actually what EQ is, yeah, okay. You having emotions does not make you a failure. No in any way, no, shape or form you need to feel period. Yeah, full stop. But what they are evidence of is this deep self attachment. And what I mean by that is that you really love yourself, which a lot of people are like, I didn't I do yeah. Number one, you love yourself. Number two, you are searching to connect to yourself authentically. This is such a good thing, and it is so so important, because in style analysis, that's actually the first step towards authenticity, you need to be able to actually love yourself and know that you want to go deeper, yeah, so that you can find that authenticity what most people are searching for. They come in and they say, player, I just want to look more authentic. Look more authentic. Yeah, cool, this dead ass does that.

    Erin Cox 1:26:46

    I'm tired of not looking and feeling like who I am or who I want to be in the things that I'm picking out. And when you, when you sit back and you think about that sense of failure, I would almost challenge people to release that. Because why would you think that if you haven't been taught or haven't been given the tools, unless you're just naturally gifted at it, unless you just have an eye for it? Why would you think you'd be able to, like, figure it out and get it perfectly and, like, nail exactly when, nail exactly who you are when, often who you are is evolving and changing and growing. So it's, I think, taking the time to get down to, like, kind of the center layers of the onion, if you will.

    Blair Petroni 1:27:35

    Yeah, but it's not always failure of them. Like, not, and maybe I didn't explain this correctly. It's not really failure of them not dressing themselves correctly. It's actually they feel failure that they showed emotion, okay, like they feel like, I have a lot of people like that get real. They feel a lot of shame, yeah, that they like had an outburst, yeah, and then they don't know that they are experiencing shame because they can't put words to it, and they start becoming really closed off, or they'll get even more angry, or they'll get, they'll get they're pulled back, yeah, a lot, or something like that. Okay, and yeah, you have to be someone if you're going to do this work that I do, you have to be someone because I get questions about this all the time in our inbox and our email, Blair, I want to do what you do. How do I become like you? Yeah, if you want to do this work, you have to be someone that does have a high level of EQ, yeah. You have to be someone that loves people, because you are working with so many people that are attached to their physical self. They don't know how to detach their feelings, yeah, from their style and what they look like, Yeah, and you have to be able to ebb and flow with people so easily. It is truly like counseling and therapy. Yeah, it true. It is truly like that. I'm not telling you guys I am a therapist, but this is why I tell you guys like this is way more like therapy than you think. Yes, and if you want to go into this work, you truly have to have a love of people and want to help them, yeah, let alone the ability and credentials for style, yes, let alone that, yeah. So let's talk about work clients should do before the style analysis, what should they be doing? What should I be doing? Okay, well, first thing, the easiest one is, Am I ready to see myself honestly look that sounds like an easy question to be like, Yes. Am I ready to look at myself in an honest fashion? But like, No, for real, like you need to like. Look at yourself in the mirror and be like, do I really want someone to tell me all my secrets about my body and a stranger at that

    Erin Cox 1:30:14

    right ready to hear the hard things? There is

    Blair Petroni 1:30:18

    a lot of a parasocial relationship that happens with my clients, because they'll see me online, or they'll see us on YouTube, or they'll listen to us on the podcast, and so they really feel like they know us, yeah? And so you know, when I say stranger, they're like, Nah, girl, you're not a stranger, yeah? But I mean, truly, I still am, though, yeah, right? Yeah, because when you have somebody that says something that you don't like, that's gonna snap you out of that reality and be like, Who's this bitch think she is? Oh, that parasocial.

    Erin Cox 1:30:56

    Come back real quick. Yeah, no, I can see that. I can see that for sure, right?

    Blair Petroni 1:31:00

    Number two, you have to release those aspirational identities. So, for example, you guys have to stop thinking about like, the celebrity body types that you could be, because everybody starts asking that. They're like, well, who? Who's a celebrity that has my same body type? It what you got the question that you actually are asking me is not the one that you're asking me. What you're actually asking me is, who can I look towards for the way that they're dressing so that I can try to dress like them? A lot of them don't have stylists, yeah, that are actually dressing them day to day. Number one, number two, when they do, they're being given clothes that are for certain events, that are for certain situations. Yeah. And I don't know if did I say one, two or three? Do they say ABC,

    Erin Cox 1:31:46

    a, two and D who? Yeah, right.

    Blair Petroni 1:31:49

    I have ESPN, you guys. And lastly, the probability that it's their Kibby, slim to none, yeah? Like, you the what you're actually asking me is, who can I copy? And the answer is, no one. You are the celebrity. You are one of one. Yes, like, no, and we're the one. And only ever you mad when I say that, I'm like, I know what you're actually asking and I'm not doing it, yeah? But on the page, on the website I do give you celebrity besties, yeah, go with God and do whatever you're going to do with that information, right? But like, stop praying to be an SM like J Lo or a romantic like Barrymore. Like, stop it. Basta. That is not enough. Basta means stop in Italian. Or, for example, having Pinterest boards that are built on fantasy, like, I'm going to be an ethereal and when she tells me that I am, I will dress like this. Yeah, stop it. You need to be detaching value from body types or essences. Yes, right? So, for example, if you come in and I tell you that you're a natural and you're like, well, they're not valuable. They have width, it's gonna make me feel fat and unlovable. Naturals are fat because they have they're wide.

    Erin Cox 1:33:08

    Yeah, that's fine, different things, but okay,

    Blair Petroni 1:33:12

    that's, that's fine. You don't want to be a supermodel. No big deal. Yeah, that's, that's cool, right? Go along. Yeah. Okay, cool. No big deal. Classics. Being a classic doesn't make you boring. We get so many emails about that. Lauren literally has a canned response for it now, so just heads up, you guys, if you have messaged us within the last, I don't know year about like, Does being classic make me boring? You have gotten a canned response because so many of you messages about that being romantic does not automatically make you slutty. Guess what? Being dramatic does not automatically make you too much to handle correct, too much to handle, from who people that have never been interesting, says the dramatic next thing is accept that liking something does not equal you being suited for it. You got to release that just because you like it does not mean it loves you back, right? You can read the menu at a restaurant. It doesn't mean you should order. We talked about this earlier, yeah. Doesn't mean it's for you. I love pancakes, but they make me hella sleepy, right? I wanted a nap so bad after we ate brunch yesterday,

    Speaker 2 1:34:38

    all that carbs, so many goodness, yes, exactly, exactly, right.

    Blair Petroni 1:34:44

    Last thing is that people need to prepare for cognitive dissonance. What that means is, cognitive dissonance is essentially this mental discomfort from holding two opposing beliefs simultaneously. What that for example, it means. That two truths can coexist at the exact same time. I love this style and it does not love me back. That's cognitive dissonance. I love this style and it doesn't love me back. Blair, I love this jumpsuit and I look like garbage in it. Okay, yeah, understand that the goal of me talking to you, it's harmony within your clothing. I'm not here to validate your ego. I love you though I do love you. Here's what preparing yourself for style analysis list, yeah, okay, an emotionally ready client will come in having done these things. Number one, they're curious rather than defensive, right? They're ready to learn so much more about themselves rather than defend their body or their style choices. Yes, I don't give a shit about your shirt. Yeah, yeah. I don't care.

    Blair Petroni 1:36:09

    You guys are open if, like, if you're a great client, like, you're open to experimentation, kind of like I said earlier, like putting the dramatics, the FNS, the DCS, the FG in the drop waist dresses. Yeah, right, those of you that are like, I don't know girl, but I'm gonna try it. I'm like, come on, you're gonna look amazing. And then you see yourselves. And you're like, I like, like, a fucking snack.

    Erin Cox 1:36:37

    No, I'm grinning ear to ear because I my when I go shop with Blair now I will put on anything she tells me to, like, I will. If you say, would you want to try that? And I'm like, I will. If you're telling me I should try it, I will try it. Because I am, I am in sponge stage of this where, like, I probably never would have picked it out for myself. But if you're seeing something in it, then I owe it to myself to see if I can see what you see. Or maybe we put it on and we're like, man, nope, not that. And that doesn't happen. It does totally happen, but all the time. But every single piece of clothing that you put on is a piece of information about where you need to take additional steps,

    Blair Petroni 1:37:21

    and I think that that is such an important thing we need to talk about really fast. A lot of people think as soon as I know my information, I will never make a mistake again. The hell is that? What? No it, what it does is it gives you the guardrails to make more informed decisions? Yeah, it doesn't mean that you're immediately going to understand everything. There is still play that happens constantly. Yeah, as a stylist, I don't get everything right 100% of the time. I get a lot right. For example, I get a lot right with my clients pretty immediately. But there are things that I don't get right, and that, to me, is even more exciting than getting it right, because, like you said, that is a piece of information that I didn't have before. Yeah, that's more exciting to me. I prefer the information than being right all the time. Honestly, it gets boring being right if you are actually, if you have the EQ to grieve a style narrative that was like an old one that you were telling yourself, example, giving yourself permission to go into your closet and take the time to remove the styles that don't love you back, guys, that's cathartic, yeah, and it's really necessary for some of us absolutely.

    Erin Cox 1:38:47

    And as I did that in my own closet, I looked at the things that still had tags on them. I looked at the things that every single time I put it on, I ended up taking it off for one reason or another, I looked at things that I hadn't worn in a long period of time. God bless, you know, and some of that was just a matter of like being pregnant and having babies and nursing and my body changing and losing all of the baby weight and and all of these different things. But there were reasons, and before I paid someone to help me figure out what to buy, before I paid someone to help me organize my closet, I was like, I gotta back this up and figure out what's not working. Yeah. And I did start to see trends of certain colors and certain styles of things and in certain jackets where the shoulders were just too narrow that I could I mean, I felt like a little robot, man dancing every time I put the jacket on. Mr. Robot. Can I lift my arm? Point, right? But, but, but take that. It's a really valuable exercise, if it's not something you've ever done.

    Blair Petroni 1:39:59

    And I also call. It cinnamon. And this comes from Genevieve, comes from my daughter when she was three. So BB heard me talking to a client, and she goes, mommy, what's cinnamon? And I said sentimental to a client. She goes, What's cinnamon? And I tell clients, I we call it cinnamon now. And I say, It's okay for you to touch a piece of clothing while you were doing a clean out, and you go, Oh, that's got to feel attached to it. Yeah, it has cinnamon. It has cinnamon value, yeah, I tell you guys though, it is real important for you to touch whatever that is for you to say out loud, this is why I feel this way about this, yeah. And if you need to leave it there for that. Clean out. Fire. Leave it there. You don't have to get rid of it right then. Okay, maybe you'll do it the very next cleanup. Yes, maybe you'll do it after that. Or maybe it's a family heirloom that you will never get rid of, so it will have cinnamon in perpetuity. Fine, yeah, but say out loud why It's cinnamon? Because sometimes that will actually remove the special of whatever it is, the quote, unquote special. That's a secret that I use with clients all the time. Yeah, big secret.

    Erin Cox 1:41:18

    Yeah, that makes so much sense,

    Blair Petroni 1:41:21

    and we call it cinnamon, yeah, cinnamon value, yeah, seeing analysis. So another way that you can be prepared is seeing your analysis as information, not judgment. This isn't judgment. I'm not judging you. I don't care. I love you, yeah? I love everybody. This is just information about yourself. This is just more information for you to use to dress yourself. Yeah, because you deserve that. Their data points. More is more. Yeah, I'm a dramatic y'all, more is more. More is more in purpose, especially soft, dramatic, more is more.

    Erin Cox 1:41:56

    I'm a data nerd. So for me, I look at it's they're not judgments, they're data points. And I see I look at a lot of things in my life like that, because it helps me to keep emotional distance from things that don't need to take up emotional space in my mind.

    Blair Petroni 1:42:10

    Girl, I agree with you. And look style analysis can dead ass feel like judgment. It can, if you let yourself get in those fields, it can feel like judgment about your body and your personality. It can feel like that, but it is literally just information, aka words. It is just words about how to improve or pivot your style. Yes, that's it. That's all this is. This is just words. Okay, clients that are ready for this understand that femininity is not when softness is not assigned. So I'll give you an example. Or excuse me, femininity is not lost when softness is not assigned. Let me give you an example. Aaron is a flamboyant natural with a classic essence. She's one of the most beautiful women you will ever see on the face. Like, there is not one person that would ever say when we walked in the studio where they're like, Damn man, that's a dude. Wish she were prettier. Man, like, No, you walked in here and nobody was like, that's a dude. No, if you look at that, FN, your body type is on the young end of the spectrum. That's quote, unquote, masculine, right? This has nothing to do with gender. And then classic, that's balanced. You are right in the middle of all of this. But that has nothing to do with your femininity. You are stunningly beautiful. You are a freaking super model. Just because you're flamboyant, natural does not mean you've lost any of your femininity just because you're dramatic, body type and you're a skyscraper and maybe right, like you have that incredible, like, rectangular body type, that does not mean that you've lost any of the softness in yourself. There's some incredible things that we can do to dress your body to like, oh

    Erin Cox 1:44:14

    God, and your menswear inspired clothing doesn't, doesn't make you manly.

    Blair Petroni 1:44:20

    Yep, sure does not. It doesn't. It does not. Also clients that are ready for this, they understand that authority is not lost if your essence is not dramatic, they understand that you actually gain authority when you look like you absolutely that's when you gain authority. That doesn't even matter if you're an ingenue No

    Erin Cox 1:44:49

    no, because when you when you are comfortable in who you are, and you're comfortable and confident in your clothing, it is electrifying, like it is a. It is, it's, it's people will come towards you because they want that energy. They see that energy that's like you look like you, because you look like you and you feel like you.

    Blair Petroni 1:45:09

    I'm gonna give you a great example, the perfect example yesterday, I was walking down the corridor when I was headed to the like I was at the airport, right? And I was walking to the plane, and one of the girls that was pushing a wheelchair on Janu essence, she's so cute. She had Hello Kitty, a big one, Hello Kitty Bo in her hair like It literally looked like the cartoon. Hello kitty bow in her hair, right here. And she had long hair, and she had bangs.

    Speaker 3 1:45:40

    She was so precious. I looked at her, and I said, I love your bow.

    Blair Petroni 1:45:45

    Yeah, she just lit up. She goes, thank you. Imagine if she was dressed like a classic, if she did like because, of course, she was dressed in her uniform because she works at the airport, but that that's her accessory as an orange thing that makes her who she is. If she wasn't wearing that, yeah, then she doesn't or maybe she could even become mean to Yeah, right, whatever it was that she is like, if she wasn't wearing that, she wouldn't be her. Yeah, there are people that will tell you that you're too much because they're not enough of who they are. That's a them

    Erin Cox 1:46:28

    problem. It's not a you thing,

    Blair Petroni 1:46:31

    even her with her, Hello Kitty Bo. There's authority there, because she's her. You're being authentically who you are. There's a confidence that is unshakable when you start dressing and looking more like yourself. There's a saying that I have when I talk to CEOs and executives. There's a deck that I have when I speak to them, and one of the very first things is this slide, and the quote is it dead ass starts with a shirt, which is there is a direct tie between authenticity and having this and sorry, we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to go back because I can't remember The fucking word, sorry, I'm gonna have to restart that influence. So there is a direct tie between authenticity and influence. Yes, and the way that it works is, when you look like you, you have this unshakable confidence. You walk into a room and you stare at people like you shake their hand, you don't break eye contact, you don't feel ashamed in any way, because you know you look good and you feel good, and you're gonna just own that room, right? And people are gonna see you and go, Hmm, I trust them. I trust that person. And it only takes honestly, two times for people to have been in the same room as you or meet you, or something like that, for them to go. You know what? I actually really trust everything that Erin says, because she is number one, confident, and number two, she doesn't put on airs. She seems really genuine, yeah. And so what that does is you have just built influence for yourself. Yeah, and guess what? It started with a shirt. It dead ass starts with a shirt. Yeah, for real, it's crazy. Yeah, that's a big deal. It's a huge deal.

    Blair Petroni 1:49:00

    It can start with a hello kitty bow in your hair. Confidence does not come authority does not come from an essence. It comes from you dead ass being who you are. It's amazing. It's amazing. Also, beauty does not come from fitting in with other people. And a lot of people are going to be like, she's about to say, beauty comes from within. No actually, it comes from fitting in your mold. What is your style ID? It's not that it comes from within. I mean, sure, yeah, whatever. Like, it's your essence, it's your body type, it's your whatever. But like, it is your particular combination. It comes from honoring that. That's the harmony that everyone's talking about, the beauty. See, it's the harmony of your colors and your body type, your lines and your essence, your vibe. It comes from all of those things working together. That's the harmony, guys everyone's talking about seeing. When you see all of those things working together, you're like,

    Speaker 3 1:50:16

    damn, okay, I see you fired. Yeah, yeah. That's what they're talking about.

    Blair Petroni 1:50:23

    So if I have a client that will end up reframing their disappointment into like, liberation, that's what you want. Yeah, because you haven't lost anything but clothes that don't love you back, girl, you haven't lost anything, but like the reminder that jumpsuits are not for you. Yeah, they are not for me. They have to. There's a very certain type of jumpsuit that I need to wear. Yeah, right. Cool. Then I gained information on styles that will make me look like me. Haven't lost anything? No, I've gained way more. I took a

    Erin Cox 1:51:07

    like, laundry baskets load of clothes from my closet that didn't love me back to a consignment sale, and it was the most, I mean, when after I, like, got over the feeling of wanting to throw up a little bit about it, was so freeing to realize that I haven't worn this. I don't have to, doesn't have to take up physical space in my life. It doesn't have to take up mental space in my life anymore. Somebody is going to find this and think it's fantastic, and they're going to go and love it and it's great, like, so freeing.

    Blair Petroni 1:51:39

    I agree with you. So free, my God, I cannot wait for us to get to the consignment episode. Speaking of my gosh, your necklace is fabulous.

    Blair Petroni 1:51:54

    Speaking of consignment, so is mine. And these earrings and both of these bracelets, I love consignment. My god, I'm so consignment.

    Speaker 1 1:52:05

    All right, moving on. I'm just dreaming. I know right. Consignment shops, all the consignment shops, they're so good, so good.

    Blair Petroni 1:52:12

    I'm literally in my head. I'm like, What are they doing at the guild today? Okay, so here's how to emotionally support yourself, both during and after you have a style analysis. So here's, I call them the grounding strategies that's really good for you, and I'm just gonna read them off the list. So number one, when your emotions are going cray. Cray. Easiest thing to do, just pause and breathe, baby. And if you gotta get and I will, even when I see you going bananas, I will literally look at you and I'll be like, we're gonna take a cleansing breath. We're gonna go like, yeah, breath is powerful.

    Speaker 3 1:52:50

    I will tell you guys to, like, chill, chill, and it's okay to, like, calm down. Yeah. He's okay, yeah, okay.

    Blair Petroni 1:53:00

    There is something that I call processing journal. Essentially. It's just like keeping notes on what you're seeing, feeling, hearing, right? Some people like to journal, yeah, if you like to journal, this is a great place, great addition to your journaling. Cool. Here's some prompts journal after you have your style analysis,

    Erin Cox 1:53:27

    yeah, and even throw in all like as the questions come to your mind, throw all those questions in there, because sometimes the patterns and the questions can be revealing. And then if you get to a sticking point, then that's when you circle back, yep.

    Blair Petroni 1:53:41

    Well. And what I tell you guys is, typically, if you are working this and you're really trying to figure out, like, why, what does this, what works, what doesn't work, you're trying to create combinations. You're playing in your closet, you're shopping or whatever, about four to six weeks in, yeah, you're gonna be like, I gotta talk to Blair, you're gonna be like, spazzing out a little bit. And so this is why, when you get your follow up email from us, like, and a day after you've had your analysis, there's a little link in there that basically says, like, you should really just pre book. Yes, that personal styling you should, because slots fill up so fast, and by the time you get to that four to six weeks, you're gonna be like, Oh, thank God, I pre booked this. Like future you will. Thank you. If you need to give yourself about one to two weeks before you go shopping, yes, you got you got to let yourself sleep on it.

    Erin Cox 1:54:40

    Yeah, resist the urge to, like, run to the store the next day. It's hard. It really is hard. It's hard, but if you have to do something, spend time looking at the things that you have.

    Speaker 3 1:54:52

    Some of us are GSDs. Aaron, I call that get shit done. Women, we're GSDs.

    Blair Petroni 1:54:58

    Fix it now. Yeah, and so we're like, I'm gonna do everything. So the second that I tell people, like, it's gonna take you six to 12 months, the GSDs are like, Bitch, I will do it in six weeks tomorrow. Calm down. Like that is not a challenge. I love you,

    Erin Cox 1:55:15

    and I need you to love you for your mental health. Please don't take that long. This is

    Speaker 3 1:55:19

    not a game. That's not a game, not a game, not trying to challenge you. Yeah, I know, because I would take it as a personal challenge. You would dead ass.

    Blair Petroni 1:55:28

    Dramatic, yeah, avoid calling friends for any validation. Avoid it, especially when you're in what I call the Trigger Zone, which is where you're like in this should I pull the trigger on buying something? They don't know your rules, correct, quote, unquote, your guidelines. Don't know anything, yeah, unless they've had their own style analysis done with me, they have no idea what you just went through. They don't know. They don't know. They don't know. They also don't know your body type, yes, they don't know. Yeah. So they're so well meaning.

    Blair Petroni 1:56:24

    Wear your old clothes while you're easing into the new ones. I am not here to tell you to throw the baby out with the bath water you kind I am very into sustainability when it comes to clothing. In fact, I'm the person that's like, Hey, I wonder if we could dye this or tailor this in your closet to make it more for you? Yeah, I do that a lot with you guys, the naturals, not so much. A lot, a lot less things we can tailor in your closet, yeah, but for the most part,

    Erin Cox 1:56:54

    but we've talked about dying cashmere sweaters that I have totally the lines are great, and the fabric is a dead win for me, yep, but I bought them when I was a different season than I am now. I wasn't really a different season, but, you know, we're told when my season was was not reflective of my personal coloring, when

    Blair Petroni 1:57:15

    your season was told you had far less Chroma, yes. Hashtag, reflective. Yes, so is your Chrome was so hot, yeah, yeah.

    Erin Cox 1:57:23

    But if you don't take the time to look at what you already have and to play in what you already have, and even sometimes to sit in some of the like the feels, then you miss opportunities to give new life to some of the things that you may have.

    Blair Petroni 1:57:37

    Hell yeah. So what's so funny too, is when I'll do closet clean outs with my clients, because there will be ones that are like, I'm ready to a closet clean out. I'm like, You ready to get rid of all your stuff? Cool. And so we do it based off, you know, body type, essence, sometimes seasons too, and what they're left with, usually not a lot. And they look at it, and they're like, no wonder I loved all this shit. And it's like, the stuff that they typically only wore. They're like, this is literally the stuff that I only wore. Or they're like, I haven't worn this a lot, but they're like, I do really look good in this. Yeah, I do. It's your body type in

    Erin Cox 1:58:20

    your essence, there's a lot of good information buried in there.

    Blair Petroni 1:58:23

    Yeah, right. And now everything goes together, yes. Now it all goes through. Now it's Garanimals. Also treat this as a transition. This is not an identity swap. You are not a new person. You've always been this person. Let it shine. Let your freak flag fly. You are who you are. Lady Gaga. Love it. Do You Boo? Boo? Right? Normalize that. There are some of us that are going to go through shock and denial and bargaining and sadness and acceptance and empowerment. Because there is always a point where in this journey, the new style starts to feel like home, like that cycle of grief. There are a lot of people that go through that, and then they're like, wait, I love this. It's okay. It's okay to have your feels. Do You Boo? Boo? Yeah, have your feels. It's fine. You're not wrong.

    Erin Cox 1:59:29

    No, those are, those are pieces of information too.

    Blair Petroni 1:59:31

    Have your feel. Do you so final thing is this, I don't I'm not trying to, like, scare people into not having an analysis. I just wanted to have this, like, super cards on the table, like, this is what analysis is. This is how some people feel. I want you to have all the information to, like, tell yourself Blair is one of the only people on the face of the planet that honestly talks. About style analysis and what goes through this girl, I have never heard any image consultant talk about what a style analysis actually is and what goes through, like what people mentally go through. I've actually never heard anyone talk about this, which is why I was so passionate about doing this episode.

    Erin Cox 2:00:17

    I am like looking away because I'm going to my thinking spot. Yeah, same have I actually and, no, I've heard a lot of like, this is what you're going to walk away with. You're going to know these things. But I have never, I think I can confidently say that I have never had anyone talk about the depth of what style analysis can hit if you're truly doing the examination,

    Blair Petroni 2:00:44

    you wanna know why? Because people wouldn't do it. That's correct, because it would be too scary or too hard.

    Blair Petroni 2:00:52

    There is a fear there. Yeah, that if you revealed, oh, people could feel things, then they wouldn't book and I wouldn't make money. Yeah, in my experience, it's actually the opposite of the more you open the kimono and you reveal to people, Hey, this is what XYZ is going to be, and I'm going to be there for you. And there's, this is the level of honesty that I utilize in my practice, they are always there for it, yeah, because they are looking for that person that is that level of honesty. And what I always tell business owners is, Your vibe attracts your tribe, yeah, the people that are for you are gonna love everything, yeah.

    Erin Cox 2:01:42

    And I feel like there's a good number of your clients that have really taken the time to decide that you are the one that they want to hire. Like they've watched and they've waited, y'all stalk, we stalked, y'all we talk.

    Blair Petroni 2:01:58

    Yeah, y'all stalk, which is, like, honestly, an honor, because y'all Wait, y'all wait in the wings. You're like, and then there's like, one video that you're like, all right, I think she's it like, yeah, so give yourself the ability to say, like, Okay, if, if you're nervous about booking, that's okay. It's okay. If you're nervous, it's gonna be just fine. Any of you that have felt triggered Wait, maybe about things that we said in this episode or triggered beforehand, about a style analysis that is also okay. Maybe you weren't ready then and you're ready now. Maybe you're still not ready now. Or maybe this is a challenge that you're wanting to issue for yourself, where you're like, I really want to do this, because this is part of identity work that I'm working on for myself. Maybe you're doing it with your therapist. I work with a ton of therapists, or this is actually part of the work that they are doing with their clients. So if this is something that you want to connect your therapist and eye on as part of your treatment, talk to them about that. Yeah, because I work with a ton of therapists that way, that is very normal. Yeah, very, very normal. There's a reason I tell you guys, this is a lot more like therapy than you think it is, okay again, I'm not calling myself a therapist. I do not have those credentials. However, this is you learn so much about yourself and it feels like it yeah, okay. Discomfort is growth. You learn so much more from discomfort than you do from winning. Yes, that is a fact of life. I cannot change that correct.

    Erin Cox 2:03:55

    Make the mistake, learn the lesson,

    Blair Petroni 2:03:59

    and this is your body. Your body is not a mistake. Your body is magical. You are magical. Come learn your magic,

    Speaker 1 2:04:13

    your magic. You are magic. Why don't you want to learn your magic? I wanted to learn my magic. I want to learn your magic. I've learned my magic. I'm learning my magic.

    Blair Petroni 2:04:23

    I want you to come learn your magic. That's what this is, your magical. And I know that sounds Woo, woo, AF. That's not what I mean it to be, but like there's nothing to be afraid of, Truly, this is magic. This is not about control. This is truly about curiosity, absolutely be curious, not judgmental. That is my favorite quote from Walt Whitman. I've carried that quote with me since high school. Be curious, not judgmental. I'm still. Curious about people, about places, about things. I have so many questions. I am so annoying.

    Speaker 3 2:05:09

    I'm so annoying, I'm so curious. It's so important. You deserve this. You deserve to know about yourself.

    Blair Petroni 2:05:19

    This is such a long fucking episode, but we could make it too maybe. Oh, my God, God knows how much they're gonna have to cut out, yeah? But that's okay. Yeah, it's okay. It was important, this important episode. Thanks for being here with us today. You guys to talk about this.

    Erin Cox 2:05:43

    Release a piece of your soul into this and to really demonstrate how deeply you care about this process for your clients, that it's not just an end result for you, that it's not just a an email or a check on a page, that it is really a deep investment in each and every single person who takes the time to spend that time with you.

    Blair Petroni 2:06:09

    I love each and every client. I'm obsessed with each and every client that I have, every single one of you. Thank you guys for spending the time with us, and if you decide to book your style analysis, head to my website, mavemelange.com, and you will find everything there we have created on the website, there is a button right below, or above, I can't remember the there's a on the individual services page where you can see all the different services that we offer. There's a little button on style analysis that basically says the basically like emotions checklist, where you can basically go through and shoot like, look and say, like, Am I ready for a style analysis? We made that for you guys. So if you're ready, feel free to either book immediately or go look at that checklist, chew on it and decide. We love you guys. We'll talk to you super soon. We'll see you soon. Bye, pretty people

Blair Petroni
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